


He's Not Your Boyfriend

by roundandtalented



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, Drunk Texting, M/M, but none of this is sad, i know it looks like it would be, i promise its actually not sad, tumblr prompt fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-14
Updated: 2015-01-14
Packaged: 2018-03-07 12:49:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3174186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roundandtalented/pseuds/roundandtalented
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anonymous Tumblr Prompt for "Davekat, drunk texting".</p>
            </blockquote>





	He's Not Your Boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be like, 300 words of laughs. Welp.

He's not your boyfriend.  
  
  
You have been trying to get through the entirety of the Lord of the Rings trilogy in peace, but your phone keeps going off. It's only 11pm, but, well.  
  
 _"Okay but for real, I know I said it before and I'll say it again, seriously dude you have a really nice dick, like 10/10 would suck dong again."_  
  
You glare at your phone and debate the pros and cons of responding to Dave Fucking Strider while he's drunk texting you from Egbert's couch. You knew they were hanging out tonight because you'd actually been invited over too. But after a shitty early morning at work, you've met your social interaction quota for the day, and politely declined.  
Very politely, because you're always the friend stuck taking care of everyone else who can't hold their liqueur, and have a hard time emotionally when Dave has anything to drink.  
  
It's not a bad emotional, entirely. It's a 'heart hurts' kind of emotional, because he gets very sweet and very honest, and after the incident at John's birthday last month, you're trying to keep yourself from getting too damn attached to Dave Fucking Strider. It was supposed to be a one night thing. You were both drunk enough that when you said ' _suck my dick_ ' he said ' _maybe I will_ ' and you both somehow thought the next logical move was oral sex in John's hallway closet.  
  
You'd been smitten over him for a while. A while being a year or so, give or take. But, well. He's also kind of your best friend. John is too, but, it’s a different sort of best-friendship, if that makes sense. John is good for making you laugh, Dave is good for when you need quiet, because he gets the same way. The same overwhelmed 'why is everything happening so much' feelings that really just fall back on both of you being rather introverted while John, well, he's just fucking not. Not even a little.  
  
You decide to text Dave back, regardless. Because despite him blowing you in the closet just a month ago, you’re still best friends and nothing has changed between you.  
You’re certainly not his boyfriend or anything.  
  
" _I see you once again decided Peach Schnapps and Mario Kart was a good idea_."  
Because really, he’s probably just being a shitbag.

" _It is always a good idea just like me suckin your dick_.”

You sigh. It seems he’s actually isn’t going to drop this.  
  
“ _I kinda want you to fuck me_.”  
“ _And not just because I’m curious or anything. I know I like dick like that. Please put at least one whole schlong in my asshole. Sounds like a grand ol time. but like._ ”  
“ _Because its you_. _I want you_.”  
  
You look straight at your screen and chew your lip a little.  
They sure _are_ taking the hobbits to Isengaurd.  
  
He really isn’t dropping this? How much did he even have to drink, you wonder. Sure, John is a terrible enabler, but Rose and Roxy are both over and making very sure no one gets absolutely plastered. They’re both Mom-Friends like that. Experienced Mom-Friends.  
  
" _What are you, a straight white boy_?"  
You get four texts back in rapid succession.  
  
" _hey bby got kik ;)"_  
" _wat r u wearin ;)"_  
" _parents aren't home, u dtf?"_  
The fourth text is six full lines of winky faces.  You actually laugh.

Eventually you get him to tell you who alls at the party, what they’re up to, and you discover the WiiU has been taken over by Roxy, Eridan and the Captor Twins. Though, apparently Mituna keeps switching out for his girlfriend every now and then. So Dave has been sidelined to the couch, where he and his ‘ _beloved schnapps shall be wed’_. He calls you his mistress and insists he’s destroying his marriage because he found happiness elsewhere.

Come midnight, John texts you, sounding exhausted even over SMS.  
“ _Please come get your boyfriend. He’s eating my entire pantry, won’t let the girls sleep, and hasn’t shut up about how much he misses you_.”

He’s not your boyfriend.  
  
 _“John says I haven’t to come pick you up because you’re misbehaving.”_ Misbehaving is _one_ wordfor it, anyway _. Huh._  
  
 _“John’s mother was a hamster, and his father smells of elderberries.”_  
 _“Yeah kay come get me big boy ;)”_  
  
You just roll your eyes.  
  
 _“Be there in ten.”_  
 _“yeyeyeyeyeeye”_

When you pull in the driveway, John is standing with a very wobbly Dave in the doorway. He doesn’t look impressed, but Dave is pretty excited to see you. The moment you step out of the car you nearly get clobbered by six feet of long dark limbs topped with a mop of curly bleached hair. He’s lucky you’re sturdy enough to catch him.  
  
John shakes his head, smiles at you, and waves you off. You feel Dave’s cheek on your shoulder before you’re back on the road, but he doesn’t say a word until you get him back to your place. And even then, its quiet ‘ _thanks_ _man_ ’s and ‘ _you’re the best. Sorry I was a shit_ ’s. He trails around you while you tidy up, until you stop right while he’s behind you so that he bumps into you, making him aware that you’ve noticed.  
  
He just hums and wraps his arms around your middle, stuffing his hands in the front pouch of your hoodie to fidget with your phone. He seems to be waiting for you to shrug him off, but, well. He’s being very sweet. Smells like booze and disappointment, but he’s very sweet.

“Just wanted t’go t’bed with you t’be honest.” He sleepily sets his chin n your head and it’s not unwelcome. Honestly he’s the nice sort of warm that you like his weight against your back. Though, if he thinks he’s getting laid while drunk for a second time, he’s out of luck.  
“Like, sleep bed. Like, pass the fuck out, sleep kinda bed.”  
  
You relax, smile even. That’s, actually really cute. Dave Strider is cute.

“I was watching a movie.”  
It’s a weak protest, because you _are_ very awake. Actually it’s not even really a protest because you’d like to go to bed with him. Lay down with him. You're just, maybe a little hesitant. because he's also your best friend who very much don't want to lose. But. He's actually serious about this it seems, which eases your nerves an awful lot. Besides. You're still close after the closet incident. Why not try?  
  
“Laptop?” He asks, hopeful.  
“Laptop.” You agree with a little nod and scoop his hands out of your pocket. He grins and follows you to get your computer and then into your room, right into bed. Neither of you bothers to take off your jeans, you just crawl right in.

You fluff up your pillows, get the two of you comfortable, and pick up where you left off on your super long Tolkien fun fest. Only this time, with an arm around your chest and cheek against your shoulder. Domestic bullshit like this is so sweet, you crave it pretty much all the time, though you’d never tell anyone. But.  
Dave Strider isn’t your boyfriend.  
  
He smiles, shifts so that he can peck your cheek, still shy and quick like he’s not sure if you’ll dismiss him or not.  
When you don’t, he cuddles right up to you, wraps his legs in yours. Both of you will have to get changed out of your clothes eventually. Especially him. But right now, you’re fine.  
  
“We should do this lots.” He suggests, giving you a little squeeze. “It’s nice. You should be my boyfriend or something.” You look down at him, and you know he can tell you’re the happy kind of shocked. You’d just, been going along with this and hoping it wasn’t just a repeat of the last ‘one time’ thing.  
Dave flat out grins, a little too devious and sober looking to be all talk. Then he buries his face in your shirt. And well.

  
Yeah, you guess you can be his boyfriend.  
  



End file.
